Integration, Internal Family Systems, + Attachment Theory

I have been thinking a lot about the idea of integration and disintegration (or abandonment) of ourselves—how easy it is to break ourselves into pieces to accommodate what’s happening in our lives. We learn how to do this when we are young. Because we are attuned to our environments, we quickly pick up on which parts of us are welcome and which parts are not, and soon we are able to put some parts away so that we are more palatable, more acceptable, and less..ourselves. This happens for all of us at some point, whether that is in our family of origin, elementary school, or later in our adolescence.

Assessing Alignment is Attachment Work

I have been focused lately on really fine-tuning my life. This looks like examining each part of my day to day and schedule, structures and routines, and commitments and future plans to be sure everything feels like it’s in alignment. As a result, I’ve had to make some changes that are uncomfortable and stretch me in my commitment to growth—especially because I am so clear that self-betrayal (that looks like over-committing and/or committing to the wrong things) is a path I’ve been down before. I can also say that I have self-betrayed as recently as a few months ago, so it’s an ongoing journey for all of us!

A Heartfelt Apology, and the Importance of Accountability

This weekend, I was changing some log-in information for one of my social media platforms, and I had to log in to a VERY old email account to rest the password. I had forgotten it even existed! My stomach dropped the moment I realized this account was connected—because if it was still around, that means that it may have been in use without my knowing. I thought “please, please, PLEASE don’t let there be real emails in this inbox.”

Elizabeth GilletteMay 3, 2022accountability, apologizing, heartfelt, showing up, honest, honesty

Can you hold two things at once?

The Pay What You Please Online Course Sale is happening NOW through Sunday, April 24!

Are you projecting your old wounding on to new people?

I’ve been thinking a lot about how our old relationship patterns show up over and over again in our lives, and how we have opportunity after opportunity to heal those patterns with new people. I see it every day in myself and the people around me (and once you see it, you can’t unsee, so get ready!).

Everything You Wanted to Know about the Anxious Attachment Style

This week, I am thrilled to share a guest interview with Rikki Cloos, the writer, and researcher behind @anxiousheartsguide on Instagram.

Elizabeth GilletteMarch 22, 2022 Comments

I have BIG news!

I have been dreaming about sharing some big news with you for months, and I am finally able to tell you! I’m just going to get right into it:

I wrote a book!

The Power of Observation

I am soaking up these last few weeks of winter, taking pleasure in my cozy clothes, evening fires (Nico has been very interested in this process so it’s a sweet opportunity to slow down!), sipping hot tea, and eating homemade baked goods, and the invigorating feeling of a walk in the sun on brisk days. Soon we will be outside running and playing and socializing, and I am charging my batteries as much as possible before then. There is a lot to love in the slowness of these late winter days.

What you don’t heal follows you

I hope you are doing well and February is feeling more ease-full than January (I’m not sure what your January was like, but mine was LONG).

Like many of us, I’ve been hard at work in my own personal therapy on processing some of the difficult experiences I’ve gone through and growing my awareness of the old patterns I carry with me, many of which I don’t even realize are still hanging around. And just like my clients, I have had several moments where I’ve said out loud “I honestly thought I worked through that already! Why is it coming up for me again?” My answer to myself recently has been this: healing has many layers.

Are we addressing attachment healing all wrong?

My toddler woke up at 4:15 this morning, and after that, my brain just wouldn’t shut off. I started thinking about how we address one another’s (and our own) attachment needs. I think social media has a wonderful place in our healing journey, and I am guilty of saving tons of posts intending to go back to them and explore them. But most often what happens is that an idea is triggered in my brain but never actually takes root. I love the concept, but I don’t actually learn how to apply it to my personal life or really get familiar with it. Am I learning when I do this? Or do I just feel like I’m soaking up information and then when it comes to applying it and showing up differently in my relationships, I’m following the same old patterns and feeling more frustrated because I’m overstimulated and full of information that I don’t have an outlet for?

Elizabeth GilletteJanuary 25, 2022attachment styles, attachment style, attachment theoryComment

You are your own best resource

Hello and Happy New Year! Do you choose a word for the year? I started doing this a few years ago and it’s been a really sweet guiding practice for me throughout the year. For 2022, my word is EMBODY and I am excited to align my work and personal life with the goal of being in my body and aware of my physical experiences and sensations, as well as embodying the practices I teach in a fuller way. I am looking forward to how this word will guide me.

Elizabeth GilletteJanuary 10, 2022attachment theory, attachment, self love, self worth, self-care, self-care practices, self healing, self careComment

You Are Worth Staying With

This time of year is always reflective for me. Something about the quality of the light and the chill in the air moves me to sit in my favorite coffee shop and journal about my year and everything that I’ve learned. And this year was another doozy, wasn’t it? We have been through it collectively and individually.

I’ve spent quite a bit of my relational life working to earn love from others. I didn’t know it for a long time, but I became really good at figuring out what people were looking for in a partner, in a friend—in whatever role I was playing, really—and I learned how to meet those needs REALLY well and without them even asking. It allowed me to feel important, special, and most importantly, loved (hello, fellow Enneagram 2s! I see you!).

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