Are you a shape shifter in relationships?

Folks with insecure attachment styles have a skill in common that serves them in many capacities. It’s one that can show up in every type of relationship and tricks us into feeling like we are safe—by blending in, by being passive, by not drawing too much attention to ourselves. And it’s a behavior pattern that comes back to bite us SO HARD that once we stop doing it, life can change pretty dramatically and it can take some time to get ourselves back on track and feeling connected again.

Elizabeth GilletteJuly 2, 2025anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, disorganized attachment, relational nourishment project, elizabeth gilletteComment

Self-Sacrifice Isn’t Honorable When You’re Resentful

Since the start of the year, I have been really leaning into exploring the parts of my personality that I would rather not look at—the parts I’m shameful or embarrassed about, and the ones that I try to hide or keep at bay but always, always show up at some point in my relationships.

Elizabeth GilletteMarch 6, 2025anxious attachment style, anxious avoidant trap, anxious avoidant attachment, anxious attachment, relationship issues, relationship patterns, relationship goals, avoidant attachment, disorganized attachment, elizabeth gillette Comment

I Keep Trying to Get Impossible People to Love Me

I remember so many times in my early romantic relationships (and honestly, some adult friendships) when I truly did ignore all the warnings, some of them as blatant as “I do not want to be in a relationship right now.”

Elizabeth GilletteFebruary 20, 2025anxious attachment, avoidant dismissive, dismissive avoidant, avoidant attachment triggers, fearful avoidant attachment, disorganized attachment, anxious avoidant trap, attachment style Comment

How to Be More Resilient in Your Relationships

Elizabeth GilletteFebruary 6, 2025anxious attachment, fearful avoidant attachment, disorganized attachment, avoidant-dismissive, resiliency, relationship coaching, relationship anxiety, relationship counseling, relationship patterns Comment

Managing Anxious Attachment Behaviors and Impulses

I want to talk about anxious attachment behaviors, impulses, and tendencies. I remember viscerally how it feels to be in relationship with someone who leans toward the avoidant end of the relational spectrum as a person who has the anxious style—and I would describe it as torturous at times, to be completely honest.

Elizabeth GilletteJanuary 23, 2025anxious attachment, anxious attachment style, anxious avoidant trap, anxious avoidant dynamic, disorganized attachment, fearful avoidant attachment, relationship anxiety Comment

Tending to What's Yours

Our environment is one of constant distraction, overwhelm, dysregulation and the desire to be almost anywhere that you are not currently. What if our work is to learn to channel those feelings into what matters most and let go of the rest?

Elizabeth GilletteJune 18, 2024anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, disorganized attachment, inner resourcing, held with elizabeth and monica, elizabeth gillette, attachment theory, attachment styles, attachment coach, relationship coaching Comment

Every Modality is a Framework

I’ve received a few strongly-worded emails about my offerings (including the fact that Monica and I are including a bonus astrology reading in our HELD group coaching program, because astrology is not "evidence-based"), and I wanted to address it directly because I feel like it connects to some greater issues that I see at play in the therapy/healing world currently.

Elizabeth GilletteApril 24, 2024anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, disorganized attachment, attachment coaching, attachment styles, attachment theory, elizabeth gillette, held with elizabeth and monica, held group coaching Comment

How Many Truths Can Be True At Once?

In this eclipse time, where the things we don’t need are falling away left and right, I want to offer some permission slips for you:

Elizabeth GilletteApril 5, 2024anxious attachment, avoidant attachment style, disorganized attachment, held group coaching, held with elizabeth and monica, attachment coaching, attachment theory, healing attachment wounds Comment

Your younger parts want to know who is in charge 👶🏻

As I’ve been researching and planning for our disorganized attachment offerings, I’ve been thinking about how easy it can be to slip into younger versions of ourselves when stress, trauma, fear, or overwhelm creep in. Parts work, or Internal Family Systems, can be a beautiful and extremely helpful framework for understanding why we show up the way we do in moments of stress and anxiety—especially in our relationships.

Elizabeth GilletteFebruary 28, 2024anxious attachment, avoidant attachment style, disorganized attachment, held retreat, held with elizabeth and monica, elizabeth gillette, attachment theory, attachment therapist, attachment coachComment

Safety, Clarity, and Connection: Supporting Insecure Attachment Styles

Safety, clarity, and connection are qualities that create a grounded experience in the nervous system. When confusion and disorientation are corrected (clarity), the body and brain feel safe (safety), and the ability to connect is freed up (connection). Over the many years I’ve been exploring attachment work and supporting clients in developing a felt sense of safety in their bodies, these are the aspects that have resonated most.

Elizabeth GilletteFebruary 13, 2024attachment style, attachment theory, fearful avoidant, disorganized attachment, anxious attachment, avoidant attachment style, secure attachment relationship, elizabeth gillette, held with elizabeth and monicaComment

Did you grow up in a chaotic environment?: a peek into the disorganized attachment style

One of the things I share with clients all the time is the reminder that we come by our attachment patterning honestly. When we dig more deeply into this idea, we can recognize the importance of the family dynamics we experience when we are young and how those patterns shape our relationships as adults. So often, the stress of daily living becomes the soup we swim in as children.

Elizabeth GilletteJanuary 17, 2024disorganized attachment, fearful avoidant, attachment style, attachment theory, anxious avoidant attachmentComment

I used to think I had to hold space for EVERYTHING

I have been thinking a lot about how I used to think I had to hold space for EVERYTHING. It wasn't long ago that my boundaries were messy and I was overly accommodating. I caused myself a significant amount of anxiety (not to mention drama and ways to keep myself busy) by engaging in relational dynamics that were unhealthy and unpredictable.

Elizabeth GilletteSeptember 14, 2023attachment theory, anxious attachment style, avoidant attachment style, disorganized attachment, fearful avoidantComment

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