In therapy and coaching sessions that are focused on healing attachment wounds, we talk a lot about past relationships and the attachment patterns that show up consistently for my clients so we can better understand their relational needs and learn how to meet them in adulthood. A pattern I see often (and have experienced myself of course) is ruminating about or idealizing exes, and/or having intense crushes while being in a monogamous relationship. I have lots of thoughts about this from years of utilizing attachment theory, so let’s dive in :)

Elizabeth GilletteApril 25, 2025Comment

Do you even like them?

“Do you even like them?”

I wish someone would have asked me this question for at least 3 (if not more) dating relationships while I was in college. Maybe someone did and I totally ignored them or insisted “yes, of course!”

Elizabeth GilletteApril 25, 2025Comment

Self-Sacrifice Isn’t Honorable When You’re Resentful

Since the start of the year, I have been really leaning into exploring the parts of my personality that I would rather not look at—the parts I’m shameful or embarrassed about, and the ones that I try to hide or keep at bay but always, always show up at some point in my relationships.

I Keep Trying to Get Impossible People to Love Me

I remember so many times in my early romantic relationships (and honestly, some adult friendships) when I truly did ignore all the warnings, some of them as blatant as “I do not want to be in a relationship right now.”

How to Be More Resilient in Your Relationships

Elizabeth GilletteFebruary 6, 2025anxious attachment, fearful avoidant attachment, disorganized attachment, avoidant-dismissive, resiliency, relationship coaching, relationship anxiety, relationship counseling, relationship patterns Comment

Managing Anxious Attachment Behaviors and Impulses

I want to talk about anxious attachment behaviors, impulses, and tendencies. I remember viscerally how it feels to be in relationship with someone who leans toward the avoidant end of the relational spectrum as a person who has the anxious style—and I would describe it as torturous at times, to be completely honest.

Micro Changes and Commitments!

I’ve been thinking a lot about small changes and foundational aspects of our relationships to ourselves and the people we love most. Small changes can have huge impacts (see below about the new book I’ve started!) in both directions—positive and negative.

Elizabeth GilletteJanuary 9, 2025 Comment

The Many Iterations of Taking Care of Each Other (and Ourselves)

“The fact that we cannot save everything does not mean we cannot save anything and everything we can save is worth saving."—Rebecca Solnit

Elizabeth GilletteJanuary 9, 2025 Comment

An Update from Asheville, NC

You may have heard that Western North Carolina was hit by Hurricane Helene, hundreds of miles from any coast, and the outcomes have been beyond devastating. To say the damage to the place we live is catastrophic doesn't even seem to scratch the surface of what our community is experiencing.

A peek at my most "annoying" part and a vulnerable ask

It’s important for us to understand our parts and what they are trying to do when we are using an attachment lens. These parts can give us so much information about our needs and what would be helpful and supportive to us in our current relationships (or inform us about what we really want and need in a partnership if we aren’t in one currently and want to be).

Tending to What's Yours

Our environment is one of constant distraction, overwhelm, dysregulation and the desire to be almost anywhere that you are not currently. What if our work is to learn to channel those feelings into what matters most and let go of the rest?

Every Modality is a Framework

I’ve received a few strongly-worded emails about my offerings (including the fact that Monica and I are including a bonus astrology reading in our HELD group coaching program, because astrology is not "evidence-based"), and I wanted to address it directly because I feel like it connects to some greater issues that I see at play in the therapy/healing world currently.

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