Can I tell you a story about a girl who used to have a REALLY hard time in relationships?

She wanted to be in a relationship SO BADLY. She wanted to feel loved and respected. She wanted connection and to receive emotional support, and to give it, too. She tended to choose people who were emotionally distant or maybe needed to be convinced that they were ready for a relationship. This pattern didn’t work out well for her.

Elizabeth GilletteMarch 27, 2026self abandonment, self-betrayal, self-awareness, attachment styles, anxious attachment style, insecure attachment, elizabeth gilletteComment

What does relational nourishment mean to you?

I’ve learned in my fifteen years as a therapist that many people did not receive adequate relational nourishment. This happens for many reasons—structural and systemic, trauma and neglect. Sometimes we don’t even know that we didn’t receive this type of nourishment because we don’t have any other perspective or experience; it’s just the reality. But what I’ve also learned is that relational nourishment can be cultivated at any point in our lives if we know what to look for and how to do it.

Elizabeth GilletteJuly 29, 2025relational nourishment project, elizabeth gillette, anxious attachment style, avoidant attachment style, disorganized attachment, relational trauma, relationship coaching, relationship issues, relationship patternsComment

Self-Sacrifice Isn’t Honorable When You’re Resentful

Since the start of the year, I have been really leaning into exploring the parts of my personality that I would rather not look at—the parts I’m shameful or embarrassed about, and the ones that I try to hide or keep at bay but always, always show up at some point in my relationships.

Elizabeth GilletteMarch 6, 2025anxious attachment style, anxious avoidant trap, anxious avoidant attachment, anxious attachment, relationship issues, relationship patterns, relationship goals, avoidant attachment, disorganized attachment, elizabeth gilletteComment

Managing Anxious Attachment Behaviors and Impulses

I want to talk about anxious attachment behaviors, impulses, and tendencies. I remember viscerally how it feels to be in relationship with someone who leans toward the avoidant end of the relational spectrum as a person who has the anxious style—and I would describe it as torturous at times, to be completely honest.

Elizabeth GilletteJanuary 23, 2025anxious attachment, anxious attachment style, anxious avoidant trap, anxious avoidant dynamic, disorganized attachment, fearful avoidant attachment, relationship anxiety Comment

A peek at my most "annoying" part and a vulnerable ask

It’s important for us to understand our parts and what they are trying to do when we are using an attachment lens. These parts can give us so much information about our needs and what would be helpful and supportive to us in our current relationships (or inform us about what we really want and need in a partnership if we aren’t in one currently and want to be).

Elizabeth GilletteAugust 1, 2024Internal Family Systems, attachment theory, attachment styles, anxious attachment style, secure attachment, elizabeth gillette, held retreat, held with elizabeth and monica, healing retreatComment

I used to think I had to hold space for EVERYTHING

I have been thinking a lot about how I used to think I had to hold space for EVERYTHING. It wasn't long ago that my boundaries were messy and I was overly accommodating. I caused myself a significant amount of anxiety (not to mention drama and ways to keep myself busy) by engaging in relational dynamics that were unhealthy and unpredictable.

Elizabeth GilletteSeptember 14, 2023attachment theory, anxious attachment style, avoidant attachment style, disorganized attachment, fearful avoidantComment

It’s PAY WHAT YOU PLEASE time! (and an announcement!)

Has anyone else been feeling ALL the things lately? In most every session I have with folks, we are reflecting on the general “weirdness” of the collective right now. We have been holding so much for a long time, and it’s just been…hard. If you’re feeling it, I want to remind you that you aren’t alone and just like everything else, I think these strange times are a phase that will certainly shift. Practicing sitting with the discomfort of the moment is helpful (for now and always), taking the very best care of yourself that you can, and reaching out to and staying connected with the people who can see you, hold you, and love you when things become difficult are all good places to put your energy. We are going to get through it!

Elizabeth GilletteNovember 15, 2022anxious attachment, anxious-avoidant, avoidant attachment style, avoidant dismissive, anxious-avoidant relationship pattern, anxious attachment style, attachment style, attachment theory, attachment coach, avoidant partner, avoidantComment

Are you internally resourced?

Now that I’ve done this work for a while, I’m able to see that there are a lot of different ways to utilize attachment theory. I think the most effective way to utilize attachment theory is using approachable and inclusive materials, dropping in to the body, and creating resources and strategies that build a felt sense of safety.

Elizabeth GilletteAugust 24, 2022attachment theory, avoidant attachment style, anxious attachment style, anxious avoidant trap, attachment coach, attachment therapist, internal resourcing, internal family systems, somatic therapyComment

Knowing Vs. Experiencing in Attachment Work

Are you the kind of person who can read article after article, book after book, and loves to absorb information and learn things? When I become interested in something, I dive right in. I want to know as much as I can.

But knowing only gets me so far.

Elizabeth GilletteAugust 19, 2022anxious avoidant dynamic, anxious attachment style, avoidant attachment style, dismissive avoidant, disorganized attachment, fearful avoidant, attachment theory, group coaching, held with elizabeth and monica, elizabeth gilletteComment

Can you hold two things at once?

The Pay What You Please Online Course Sale is happening NOW through Sunday, April 24!

I have BIG news!

I have been dreaming about sharing some big news with you for months, and I am finally able to tell you! I’m just going to get right into it:

I wrote a book!

Elizabeth GilletteMarch 11, 2022attachment styles, avoidant attachment style, avoidant attachment, secure attachment style, secure attachment, insecure attachment, anxious, anxious attachment, anxious attachment style, secure attachment relationship, disorganized attachment

Anxious-Avoidant Relationship Tips

One of the most frequently asked questions I receive as an attachment therapist is how to navigate the infamous anxious-avoidant relationship pattern. It’s a tricky one and I know from experience how challenging it feels to love someone so much and also feel unclear about how to approach your relationship and your partner. This dynamic can bring a lot to the surface for both partners, so I believe it’s a real opportunity to do our personal attachment work and bring that to our relationship.

Elizabeth GilletteOctober 5, 2021anxious avoidant trap, anxious-avoidant, anxious attachment, anxious avoidant dynamic, avoidant partner, avoidant attachment style, anxious-avoidant trap, anxious-avoidant relationship pattern, avoidant attachment, anxious attachment style, avoidant attachment triggers, signs an avoidant loves you, how to make anxious avoidant relationship work Comments

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