How to Connect, Based on Your Attachment Style

In the attachment and relationship world, we talk a lot about prioritizing connection, but we don’t necessarily talk about *how* to go about the connecting part. Depending on your attachment style, the prospect of creating connection may be fraught with stress or anxiety, or maybe even feelings of desperation or dread. I think it’s important to explore what it means to really connect with another person, what our goals are for connection, and how to connect in a way that feels natural and ultimately safe for us.

Elizabeth GilletteNovember 29, 2021attachment styles, attachment style, attachment theory, anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, disorganized attachment, healthy relationships, healthy communication in relationshipsComment

How do I move on from my relationship?

I hope you are taking good care of yourself and you are feeling supported in your community.

I am taking the opportunity this week to answer a few questions that folks submitted to me via Instagram. I love being able to respond to your inquiries and provide some perspective from an attachment lens about your experiences. Thank you for your vulnerability and trust!

Elizabeth GilletteAugust 17, 2021attachment styles, attachment theory, avoidant partner, avoidant attachment style, avoidant, healthy relationships, healthy communication in relationships, relational patterns Comment

Don't believe you're lovable? Read this.

If you have read my blog posts about attachment theory, healthy relationships, and doing your personal work to show up as your best self in your community and wondered how you could possibly deserve to be in a loving partnership or be appreciated for who you are, you’re in the right place.

Elizabeth GilletteMarch 23, 2021healthy relationships, attachment theory, you are worthy, you are worthy of love Comments

Healthy Relationship Boundaries for Secure Attachment

Today I want to talk a bit about boundaries in relationships—specifically, being part of a relationship where boundaries are challenging for all involved.

A lovely person on Instagram requested that we explore how to navigate a partnership where both families of origin experienced enmeshment.

Elizabeth GilletteJanuary 27, 2021healthy relationships, attachment styles, attachment theory, anxious attachment style, avoidant attachment style, relational patterns, family relationships, attachment styles in relationships, secure attachment styleComment

4 Ways to Know if Your Relationship is Sustainable

I get questions regularly from folks asking things like, “based on what’s happening right now in our relationship, do you think we can make it? Is it worth trying?” And I totally understand that consideration, especially when you’ve been doing what feels like EVERYTHING to try to make the relationship work.

Here’s what I will say: there is a lot to think about when it comes to determining whether your relationship is something you can participate in for the long haul. I want to offer some aspects of your partnership to consider if you are finding yourself wondering this same thing.

Elizabeth GilletteOctober 14, 2019anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, avoidant dismissive, fearful avoidant, anxious-avoidant, healthy relationships, avoidant partner, heirloom counselingComment

A Brief Guide to New Relationships for the Anxious Attachment Style

I want to acknowledge that even though I speak a lot to navigating established relationships with long-term partners, I see MANY people in my practice who are not currently partnered. Their goals are often to work through their old patterns so they can show up in new relationships in a grounded, clear, and confident way. So this week, I want to share more about that experience (as it can be nervewracking and overwhelming for folks—because dating is HARD!) and provide some support, specifically for people with the anxious attachment style.

Elizabeth GilletteApril 14, 2019anxious attachment, dating, new relationship, relationship anxiety, healthy relationships, attachment theory Comments

A Conversation with The Breakup Therapist

Y’all, I am so excited about the blog this week. As a proponent of healthy relationships, I am also a proponent of healthy breakups—because breakups are part of the relationship continuum. Sometimes after digging in to the personal and relationship work, we might realize that we have come to the end of a partnership (note: this comes back to the idea that the work in relationships may not have the outcome we were hoping for). This realization can be painful or liberating or unimaginable (or any combination of those emotions) and to me, it’s really important that we navigate this part of the relationship in a way that allows for dignity for ourselves and our partner.

Elizabeth GilletteFebruary 17, 2019breakups, healthy relationships, relationships, lindsey brock, therapy, grief, growth, heirloom counseling Comments

How to Apologize When You Haven't Done Anything Wrong

Have you ever been in a relationship where your partner let you know they wouldn’t be able to move on until you apologize to them? And you’re wondering why you should have to apologize when you don’t even know what you’re arguing about (and you clearly didn’t do anything wrong and they should get over it)?

Yep. It’s definitely a thing.

Elizabeth GilletteJanuary 20, 2019healthy relationships, relationship anxiety, relationship counseling, marriage counseling, apologizing, saying sorry, attachment, attachment theory, avoidant attachment, anxious attachment, anxious avoidant trap Comments

We Are Here to Take Care of Each Other

This moment in history is not new; I know in my heart and feel in my body that we have been here before, that people of color and queer folks and other marginalized groups have been feeling this pain for as long as they have been alive. We must honor and acknowledge that if we are going to step forward with integrity…

Elizabeth GilletteOctober 1, 2018anxious avoidant trap, anxious-avoidant relationship pattern, healthy relationships, secure attachment, insecure attachment, healingComment

Why You Shouldn't Avoid Avoidants (this is a bit controversial)

A partner who doesn’t have self-awareness or isn’t interested in growing with you is probably not a good bet. This trait can belong to a person with any primary attachment style. I believe the popular literature that exists about attachment theory does not distinguish between people who are lacking self-awareness and people who have avoidant attachment. They are not the same thing.

Elizabeth GilletteAugust 27, 2018how to self soothe anxious attachment, anxious avoidant trap, anxious-avoidant, anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, avoidant-dismissive, healthy relationships, attachment theory, attachment style, secure attachment, insecure attachment Comments

The Anxious-Avoidant Dynamic in Sexual Relationships with Jamie Brazell (Part 3)

We are back this week with the final piece of the Sex & Attachment Interview Series with Jamie Brazell! We are continuing our conversation about the anxious-avoidant relationship pattern, and Jamie is providing some tools and resources she offers to her clients when they are coping with this dynamic.

Elizabeth GilletteAugust 20, 2018attachment style, avoidant attachment, anxious-avoidant relationship pattern, anxious avoidant trap, relationships, healthy relationships, heirloom counselingComment

The Anxious-Avoidant Dynamic in Sexual Relationships with Jamie Brazell (Part 2)

This week, we are diving right into the anxious-avoidant relationship pattern--one of the most common challenges partners face--and how it shows up in sexual and intimate relationships. Even the mild form of this dynamic can be incredibly frustrating and upsetting in relationships, and I believe it's important for us to look out for how it shows up in our own relationships (and how we engage in it personally)…

Elizabeth GilletteAugust 13, 2018anxious-avoidant relationship pattern, anxious avoidant trap, attachment style, avoidant-dismissive, avoidant attachment, anxious attachment, relationships, healthy relationships, anxious ambivalent, sex, intimacy Comments

heirloom counseling blog

© 2018 Heirloom Counseling