Posts tagged secure attachment style
Can you hold two things at once?
Can you hold two things at once?

The Pay What You Please Online Course Sale is happening NOW through Sunday, April 24!

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Elizabeth Gilletteanxious attachment, anxious avoidant trap, anxious-avoidant, anxious, anxious-ambivalent, anxious avoidant dynamic, attachment styles, avoidant partner, avoidant attachment style, avoidant, anxious-avoidant relationship pattern, avoidant attachment, attachment style, attachment theory, attachment, anxious attachment style, secure attachment style, secure attachment, secure attachment relationship, Cultivating Secure AttachmentComment
What I Wish I Knew About Attachment 20 Years Ago
What I Wish I Knew About Attachment 20 Years Ago

I recently returned from a short trip back to where I grew up—southeastern Michigan, the suburbs of Detroit. I don’t know about you, but when I visit the place where I spent my childhood, I have an intense emotional experience. As I walked around my undergraduate college campus, I was flooded with feelings of grief. I wish I had known and understood certain aspects of my identity when I was younger. I wish I had been more self-confident. I wish I hadn’t stayed in those terrible relationships (if you could even call them that) with people who didn’t respect or appreciate me. I wish I didn’t try to control people. I wish I didn’t try to convince people to love me. I wish I loved myself more. I wish I understood my worth and potential and was able to relax and enjoy my life instead of chasing people who didn’t recognize it either.

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Elizabeth Gilletteattachment styles, attachment style, attachment theory, anxious-avoidant, anxious avoidant dynamic, secure attachment style, secure attachment relationship, avoidant attachment, avoidant partner, anxious partner, anxious avoidant trap, anxious attachment, avoidant attachment style, anxious-avoidant relationship pattern, secure attachment, Cultivating Secure AttachmentComment
This Attachment Statistic Blew My Mind
This Attachment Statistic Blew My Mind

I read an article recently that shared this statistic that I hadn’t heard before in my attachment theory studies:

“Further research tells us that in approximately 85 percent of cases a child…will have the same attachment pattern as the parent” (Buckwalter and Ehmen, 2013).

It makes sense that children will have a similar attachment style to their caregiver in a number of cases—but 85% of the time?!

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Elizabeth Gilletteattachment styles, attachment theory, attachment style, secure attachment style, secure attachment, anxious, anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, avoidant Comments
Why Consistency Matters
Why Consistency Matters

If you’ve been around Heirloom for a while, you already know this but I think it’s important to share again: connected relationships require the presence of intentional behaviors just as much as the absence of unhealthy patterns.

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Elizabeth Gilletteanxious attachment, attachment styles, attachment theory, anxious-avoidant, anxious avoidant dynamic, avoidant attachment style, secure attachment style, secure attachment, Cultivating Secure AttachmentComment
Do people with secure attachment even exist?
Do people with secure attachment even exist?

When we are working on our own relationship patterns, it can be challenging to see how anyone might be able to relate securely or fully show up in partnerships because it really does take conscious effort.

And of course, after you’ve been doing your relational work for a while and you’re looking for a relationship that is truly secure, you realize there are lots of folks out there who haven’t discovered attachment work just yet—and it shows.

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Elizabeth Gilletteavoidant attachment style, attachment theory, attachment styles, attachment style, secure attachment style, secure attachment relationshipComment
Healthy Relationship Boundaries for Secure Attachment
Healthy Relationship Boundaries for Secure Attachment

Today I want to talk a bit about boundaries in relationships—specifically, being part of a relationship where boundaries are challenging for all involved.

A lovely person on Instagram requested that we explore how to navigate a partnership where both families of origin experienced enmeshment.

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Elizabeth Gillettehealthy relationships, attachment styles, attachment theory, anxious attachment style, avoidant attachment style, relational patterns, family relationships, attachment styles in relationships, secure attachment styleComment