Posts tagged insecure attachment
Heart-Led Communication and Radical Emergence with Jordan Grob, LCSW, LCAS

Y'all know how much I value REAL connection, communication, and understanding in relationships--so when I learned that my friend and colleague Jordan Grob, LCSW, LCAS was launching her coaching practice that centers heart-led communication, you better believe I reached out as soon as I could and asked that she share some of her knowledge and wisdom with all of us!

In the blog this week, Jordan shares some of her favorite communication tools (that you can start using TODAY), the barriers to connection she witnesses (specifically for millenials), and why it's SO DAMN HARD to just put your phone down.

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We Are Here to Take Care of Each Other

This moment in history is not new; I know in my heart and feel in my body that we have been here before, that people of color and queer folks and other marginalized groups have been feeling this pain for as long as they have been alive. We must honor and acknowledge that if we are going to step forward with integrity…

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On Commitment

I believe that in relationships of any kind, we have to know the foundation of our choice to commit. It’s important to understand the reasons we choose to commit because our emotions and feelings are not always consistent. I love my partner very much, but when I am overwhelmed or grieving or processing trauma, I don’t see that as clearly or feel it as deeply…

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Why You Shouldn't Avoid Avoidants (this is a bit controversial)

A partner who doesn’t have self-awareness or isn’t interested in growing with you is probably not a good bet. This trait can belong to a person with any primary attachment style. I believe the popular literature that exists about attachment theory does not distinguish between people who are lacking self-awareness and people who have avoidant attachment. They are not the same thing.

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If You Are In a Relationship with an Avoidant Partner

Hello!

I am going to be completely honest here and do a little self-disclosure: I have always been in relationships with people who have shown up with some piece of the avoidant attachment adaptation. Always. My current partner is much more secure and only occasionally will the avoidant part come forward (side note: we have gone to therapy together to work on this dynamic, it didn’t just “happen”), but we had our struggles in the beginning of our relationship, and I fell into my old anxious patterns. We had to do a lot of work to get to where we are now.

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What does it mean to have secure attachment, anyway?

Hi!

As I'm facilitating the Attachment Exploration Group (another one is happening in June!) that started last week, I am realizing how often I have alluded to the concept of secure attachment, but haven't spent much time focused directly on the importance of secure attachment--or what it really means to embody security in relationships. So let's dive in!

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A Love Letter to the Insecurely Attached

Dear You,

I want you to know I see you.

Relationships may be difficult for you. You probably find yourself in the same pattern over and over and you wonder why you always end up with someone who criticizes you and wants more, or someone who ends up pulling away and shutting down and feels emotionally unavailable to you. You wonder if you will ever land in a relationship that feels good. If you will ever find someone who gets you. Where you can share who you really are and not be afraid that they will leave you. Where you can finally get off of the emotional rollercoaster. Where you can feel stable, grounded, and safe.

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Did you choose the wrong partner?

In my sessions and my friendships, we do this dance about how things are going in our partnerships. We talk about some of the good things happening in the relationship, the challenges, and the day to day struggle. Then at some point, we get to the deep, nagging fear that I would venture to guess nearly every person in a long-term relationship has thought at one point or another: did I choose the wrong partner?

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How We Learn to Abandon Ourselves

Have you ever abandoned yourself? Chosen someone else’s comfort, needs, or happiness over your own over and over again? Tamped down your own desires just to make someone else feel more comfortable? Known that what was happening in a relationship was just not working for you but stayed with it anyway?

Me too.

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What Does It Mean to Be Attached? Why Does Attachment Matter?

Integrating the concept of attachment has completely changed how I engage in my practice with clients and in my personal relationships. I'm really excited to be sharing this information with you! I’m spending the month of February reflecting on the concept of attachment and the power it holds in our lives when we fully embrace it and understand it. Attachment and love go hand in hand—and having a deeper appreciation for attachment can help us have more love and joy in our lives. I'm pretty into that!

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