On Commitment

Happy September! Can you believe we are two-thirds of the way through 2018? The year is flying by and this is the time where I start checking in with myself about how I want to finish out the year. What do I still want to accomplish that I haven’t yet? Where do I need to place my focus so I can soak up as much love, joy, fun, and meaningfulness as possible this year?

As I continue to dig into the development of the 28 Day Commitment to Healthier Relationships, the word “commitment” is on my mind a lot. I love the word commitment because I think it's beautiful. It captures the concept of devotion, the ways we continue to show up for ourselves and each other, even when it's uncomfortable and difficult and we might rather be somewhere else. It's about continuing to choose our lives, our partners, our relationships, our families, our values. It's about navigating the challenges of real relationships. It's also about community.

I believe that in relationships of any kind, we have to know the foundation of our choice to commit. It’s important to understand the reasons we choose to commit because our emotions and feelings are not always consistent. I love my partner very much, but when I am overwhelmed or grieving or processing trauma, I don’t see that as clearly or feel it as deeply. What’s right in front of me in the moment can cloud my perception of the future. Commitment helps us remember what’s at stake. Commitment is more than experiencing a feeling, which can be fleeting. It’s more than love, as important as that is. It’s devoting yourself to something bigger than you and bigger than your partner. It’s committing to being in relationship with one another, to all of its iterations and necessary phases.

The natural ebb and flow of feelings can result in a tumultuous relationship experience. If the feelings of the moment dominate your perspective on a relationship, it will shift and change constantly. I am challenging you to commit yourself to something more foundational than that. I am encouraging you to recognize that your commitment to your relationship, to your work, to your values, is more than your moment-to-moment experience.

Commitments come in many forms. We can be committed to a cause, a value, an activity, an outcome, or an idea. When we choose to commit to something, we choose to be in relationship with it. Commitment is part of the foundation of secure attachment. I don’t believe secure attachment exists without a commitment to fully and consistently engage.

When there is so much being thrown at us every single moment, how do we stay grounded in our values and give adequate and appropriate time to the things that matter to us the most? At the end of the day, if we aren’t fully and consistently engaged with the activity or person or value, we aren’t really committed to it.

I’d love to share some of my commitments with you:

  • I am committed to creating and engaging in healthy connections with others and building my community.

  • I am committed to supporting others in doing the same.

  • I am committed to anti-racism work, social justice, and creating healthy environments so individuals and families can flourish and thrive. I am committed to learning, to shedding old beliefs, and being uncomfortable in order to facilitate a deeper understanding of my role in healing my community.

  • I am committed to supporting others in living their very best, healthiest, most satisfying lives. I am committed to walking my talk and showing up fully, authentically, and honestly.

So I’m curious: what are you willing to commit to? What are you willing to let go of, shed, or dissolve in your life to make room for what’s really important to you? What do your commitments mean to you? How do you prioritize them? Is the way you spend your time currently in line with your values?

Are you ready to commit to your own healing? To secure attachment? If these are priorities for you, I'd love for you to participate in the 28 Day Commitment to Healthier Relationships program beginning October 3rd. I’m calling it a “commitment” because I think we all need more practice with that, and it's up to you how much you engage with the material and apply it to your life.

The goal of this program is to support you in developing more security in all of your relationships by sending you activities, strategies, and information every day for a month that you can apply to your life that same day. I also wanted to create this program to provide a low-cost, accessible option for folks who are really interested in creating more security in their lives but are on a low budget. And because I believe security is fostered in COMMUNITY, we will also have a private Facebook group to share our security successes, challenges, and questions. You will have the opportunity to connect with other people who are interested in creating more security in their lives and in the world. We will support each other.

The cost is $39 for the month-long email program and access to the facebook group (where I will be hopping in daily to check in with you). AND do you want to know what I’m most excited about? I want to send you some snail mail (because who doesn’t love snail mail?) as part of the program, if you’re into that kind of thing :) You can learn more and register here! Registration closes on Friday, September 28th. I can't wait to be part of this with you!