I first learned about the concept of anxious attachment in adulthood from Sue Johnson’s book Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. A friend recommended it to me for the challenges I was experiencing in my partnership, and I sat in the tea house, tears streaming down my cheeks, as I saw my own attachment patterns clearly for the first time. I utilized attachment theory in my work with young children previously, but had never extended my understanding or knowledge to adult attachment. My mind was blown.Read More
As I'm facilitating the Attachment Exploration Group (another one is happening in June!) that started last week, I am realizing how often I have alluded to the concept of secure attachment, but haven't spent much time focused directly on the importance of secure attachment--or what it really means to embody security in relationships. So let's dive in!Read More
I've found in my life that one of the most frustrating aspects of being in relationships with others is negotiating competing feelings. For example, I love my partner so much and then the times when we argue or have other types of relationship "misses", I feel so frustrated and annoyed that it takes everything I have to turn toward our relationship instead of away from it. The times when I can't find the strength, logic, and/or trust to turn toward our partnership, I can engage in other patterns that are not helpful at all--but it doesn't mean I don't love my partner or don't want to reconnect. I see this in my practice with couples all the time. We've talked recently about self-sabotage, self-abandonment, and relationship triggers. Today I want to pull all of those concepts together.Read More
Have you ever abandoned yourself? Chosen someone else’s comfort, needs, or happiness over your own over and over again? Tamped down your own desires just to make someone else feel more comfortable? Known that what was happening in a relationship was just not working for you but stayed with it anyway?
Me too.Read More