I first learned about the concept of anxious attachment in adulthood from Sue Johnson’s book Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. A friend recommended it to me for the challenges I was experiencing in my partnership, and I sat in the tea house, tears streaming down my cheeks (I'm a crier, y'all), as I saw my own attachment patterns clearly for the first time. I utilized attachment theory in my work with young children previously but had never extended my understanding or knowledge to adult attachment. My mind was blown.
I was missing a lot of information. And that’s okay, because that is part of being on the healing and growing path. We don’t know what we don’t know.
Reading that book changed my life because in doing so, I found the work I am passionate about and ultimately discovered the concepts that would support me in healing my own relationships and providing insight and information so others could do the same.
I never understood why relationships always felt a bit like a bottomless pit for me. Like no matter how much time I spent with someone, I was never quite satisfied. I didn’t understand why I often felt hopeless in partnerships or why I wondered if I would ever be with someone who really understood me or respected me (some of that had to do with my poor choice in partners, but some of it had to do with my perspective on relationships and the emotional triggers that hijacked my ability to stay calm and present). I didn’t understand that I had work to do. I didn’t even know what the work was or how to start.
I do now.
To heal anxious attachment, we have to understand what it is. We have to be willing to accept it as an adaptation we develop over time. We have to believe it’s not our fault and that there isn’t something wrong with us. We have to choose to heal our old patterns because we want stronger relationships, because we believe we deserve to experience life from a place of security and stability. We have to be willing to dive into the depths of some of the pain and be with the discomfort. We have to be willing to acknowledge the ways we have been so strong in relationships and be willing to put some of the weight down that we have been carrying for so long. We have to be willing to change. We have to be willing to practice. We have to give up some of our perceived control to make space for something beautiful to happen: that we will recognize we are fully loved as evolving, growing, and imperfect human beings.
Your past relationships do not determine your future relationships, unless you let them.
As someone who has done a lot of work around healing old relationship patterns, feeling more confident in who I am as a person and partner, and creating more secure experiences in all of my relationships, you know how passionate I am about supporting others on this journey. I have spent so many hours combing through articles, books and practices, educating myself about attachment theory as a clinician, and muddling through challenging relationship dynamics to come out on the other side with more information and insight to share.
I have been spending a ton of time working on my new online course, Healing Anxious Attachment. It is so personal to me. I want to give you what I didn’t have when I first started exploring attachment: a clear guide for your healing. Compassionate support. Validation. A way forward.
This course will give you clarity. It will give you concrete tools, strategies, activities, and a structured way of addressing your old relationship patterns and guide you toward more security. The more you show up, the more you will get from this course.
On another note, this course is gender and sexuality inclusive. I know people and relationships are expansive, regularly shifting, and look different for everyone. Please know you are seen and this course is respectful of wherever you are.
I am so proud of this course and if you’re ready for it, I believe it could just the thing you need to make relationship changes and experience more security. You deserve that.
Do you have questions? Wondering if the course makes sense for you? Want more info? Contact me and I would love to connect with you—about anything.
Thank you for being here and for believing in this work. I’m so glad to be doing this with you.
Here’s to changing old patterns and healing ourselves (and our communities and families and generations to come!).
So much love,
P.S. This course will launch June 26! If you'd like a reminder when this course is available you can join my email list and I will send you a notification when it's ready!