Posts tagged attachment style
What's on your secure attachment playlist?

I’ve been interested in continuing to connect with you in ways that shake up the traditional blog post. I love attachment theory because once you learn about it, it’s easy to apply it to all of the relationships in your life. One of the most beautiful ways we express our feelings about relationships, connection, and love is through music—so I started to consider what it might be like to create a Secure Attachment Playlist that captures the stability, consistency, and warmth of secure connection and allows us to tap in to that feeling whenever we want.

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What are you healing in your family?

When I created Heirloom Counseling, my intention was to bring focus to the fact that our relational patterns are passed down from generation to generation. This means we have the opportunity to heal our entire family line when we show up to do the work in the present moment. This realization is incredibly powerful if we believe we have the tools to engage in relationships with integrity and awareness. If not, this task can feel overwhelming and pressured.

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Healing the Anxious-Avoidant Relationship Dynamic: Part 2

One of the first blog posts I wrote about attachment in relationships has turned out to be my most-read post to date, and for good reason: the anxious-avoidant relationship dynamic can be REALLY HARD. I totally get it. If you have experienced it before, you know exactly what I’m talking about. All it takes is a snag in an interaction to trigger the negative cycle and before you know it, one person is pulling away and “going out for a while” and the other person is crying and angry and wondering how they ended up in a partnership with someone who doesn’t talk about feelings—ever.

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Why You Shouldn't Avoid Avoidants (this is a bit controversial)

A partner who doesn’t have self-awareness or isn’t interested in growing with you is probably not a good bet. This trait can belong to a person with any primary attachment style. I believe the popular literature that exists about attachment theory does not distinguish between people who are lacking self-awareness and people who have avoidant attachment. They are not the same thing.

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The Anxious-Avoidant Dynamic in Sexual Relationships with Jamie Brazell (Part 3)

We are back this week with the final piece of the Sex & Attachment Interview Series with Jamie Brazell! We are continuing our conversation about the anxious-avoidant relationship pattern, and Jamie is providing some tools and resources she offers to her clients when they are coping with this dynamic.

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The Anxious-Avoidant Dynamic in Sexual Relationships with Jamie Brazell (Part 2)

This week, we are diving right into the anxious-avoidant relationship pattern--one of the most common challenges partners face--and how it shows up in sexual and intimate relationships. Even the mild form of this dynamic can be incredibly frustrating and upsetting in relationships, and I believe it's important for us to look out for how it shows up in our own relationships (and how we engage in it personally)…

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Healing Anxious Attachment

I first learned about the concept of anxious attachment in adulthood from Sue Johnson’s book Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. A friend recommended it to me for the challenges I was experiencing in my partnership, and I sat in the tea house, tears streaming down my cheeks, as I saw my own attachment patterns clearly for the first time. I utilized attachment theory in my work with young children previously, but had never extended my understanding or knowledge to adult attachment. My mind was blown.

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If You Are In a Relationship with an Avoidant Partner: Part 2

Hello!

If you are in a relationship with someone who tends to operate on the avoidant side, I imagine you feel more anger, frustration, and desperation than you do compassion for your avoidant partner. I hear that. I used to feel the same way, especially when I was in relationships with avoidant folks and I felt shut out, shut down, and disconnected most of the time. As I talked about last week in part one of this post, my experiences with avoidant partners were incredibly challenging and often had me wondering what was wrong with me in relationships and why I was always "too much" for my partner.

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