It begins in small ways: making a different choice than we would otherwise because we think it will make us appear better or cooler or more interesting to someone else. Shifting how we relate to something that has been important to us because another person doesn’t see the same value in it. Minimizing our needs because they are inconvenient to someone else, and if we inconvenience that person, they might just go away.
Read MoreI’ve learned in my fifteen years as a therapist that many people did not receive adequate relational nourishment. This happens for many reasons—structural and systemic, trauma and neglect. Sometimes we don’t even know that we didn’t receive this type of nourishment because we don’t have any other perspective or experience; it’s just the reality. But what I’ve also learned is that relational nourishment can be cultivated at any point in our lives if we know what to look for and how to do it.
Read MoreTwenty years ago, I had just turned 18 and my dad hadn’t died yet.
I was preparing to move for my first year of college. I was working as a hostess at a restaurant, eating baguette and butter for dinner most nights I was there. I was in a relationship with a person who was exceptionally intelligent and emotionally manipulative, and I felt like I didn’t deserve anything more than I already had, in that relationship or otherwise. My self-esteem was tanked and I was depressed.
