I Would Know You Anywhere

Hi there,

My oldest son (who is almost 6 now, for those of you who have been with me a long time!) had a Halloween parade at school. Naturally, he dressed as Leonardo from the Ninja Turtles (and the rest of us were his turtle entourage on Halloween night). The night before the parade, he asked me, “Mom, what if someone else is dressed as a ninja turtle in the parade? Will you know it’s me?”

My response to him without thinking was “of course honey! I would know you anywhere.” And the more I thought about it, the more I knew it was true. I know him by the sound of his voice, the feel of his little body curled up next to me, the smell of his hair, the way he walks, the way he breathes when he sleeps. In the moment, I didn’t realize what I was communicating to my son, but I can see now that those words are one way that I really “see” him and know him for who he is. It seems simple, that recognition, but it results from a complex process of our nervous systems having learned each other over the course of his lifetime. It’s a deep knowing. I feel sure my mom would say the same about me.

When I think about this from an Internal Family Systems or parts perspective, I notice how often I’m guiding my clients to practice new and different ways of communicating with their young parts. This intersection between attachment theory work and parts work is extremely rich; there is so much we can do to heal our attachment wounds when we understand that the young parts of us that first experienced that wounding, and the parts that came about to protect those little ones, are all still present in our systems. Relationships with Protector parts can be complex; because these parts are the ones that show up to try to prevent more hurt, we might feel frustrated with them for the ways that they are keeping us from connecting with others or the fact that their strategies aren’t as effective as they once were at keeping us safe. But when it comes to communicating with the youngest parts in our systems, the ones who felt scared, abandoned, ashamed, or unworthy (the ones we call Exiles), the need is clear: safety, security, presence, and reassurance. 

We only know what we experience and what we are taught, so my clients usually need scripts and examples of how to connect with themselves that are based in loving, intentional, and kind ways of relating. You may think of this as Inner Child work or relating to the young parts that are still within you; either way, you can’t do it wrong, and sharing these scripts or affirmations with them is a lovely way to connect with yourself and soothe yourself when you’re feeling stressed, frazzled, afraid, or overwhelmed.

Affirmations for Young Parts
I’ve got you.
I’m here. 
I’m not leaving you. I will never leave you.
I will always return to you.
I love you just the way you are.
You give me so much joy.
You are a treasure.
I’m proud of you.
Being with you makes me happy.
This is difficult. Let's take a breath. We are going to figure this out together--we always do.
You can count on me to support you.
I see what you’re going through, and I will stay with you through it.
I would know you anywhere. 

Art by Hillary Holmes

There are ways we can demonstrate this care to our bodies, too. Tending to our nervous systems is a beautiful way of showing all of our parts that we are now adults that know how to navigate difficult life moments, access resources when needed, and soothe ourselves when we are anxious, worried, or afraid. It’s a reminder to ourselves that not only do we have information, but we can take action, too. This includes setting appropriate boundaries around screen time (!!!), getting enough sleep, eating foods that give us not only pleasure and enjoyment but adequate energy and nutrition, and having a balanced approach to relationships, work, and extra activities. After putting the kids to bed, my evening routine has included making a cup of chamomile tea, snuggling up on the couch with a blanket (and even the heating pad if I remember!), and writing in my journal, reading a book, or embroidering. No screens during this time. And as soon as I start to yawn, it’s off to bed for me—I don’t push past my limits. I deserve to have good rest, and you do too. How will you show your parts the ways you take care of yourself?

I hope this feels resonant for you today. I’m sending you love.

Warmly,

Elizabeth

P.S. I am currently accepting new 1:1 coaching clients for January 2026! Please reach out if you'd like to schedule a clarity call to see if we are a good fit. Sign up before mid-December to receive this year's pricing structure!