Being Gentle with Yourself as You Grow
There is something many of my clients realize once we start really digging into relationship and self-work: it doesn’t feel very good.
On one hand, I don’t enjoy seeing people experiencing discomfort or big emotions (I have had to learn to hold space for this and allow it instead of rescuing or fixing). But on the other hand, I have realized that the place where emotions are flowing and discomfort is welcomed and old hurts are received instead of pushed away is where the healing happens. Healing is feeling it all and changing your relationship with your feelings. When the emotions are unearthed, I take that as a good sign. You are a living, breathing, deeply feeling person and I want you to know I respect that—so I let you feel it. We feel it together.
Whether you’re actively shifting your attachment style toward security or it seems like your life as you know it is crumbling all around you or you are growing so quickly that it’s hard to keep up with yourself, please know you are still loved and worthy and whole. None of this work is easy. I’ve come to believe that if you are awake and aware and showing up in any conscious way in this world then you are exposed to the pain of all of it. So many of us are hurting. I know that.
But here’s what I want you to remember. The work you do reverberates out into the collective. Your healing is my healing, and mine is yours. We all deserve to heal. Every one of us. We can help each other do that—by offering support, by being in relationship in a conscious way, and by being accountable for our own stuff. Healing is unlearning just as much as it is acquiring new skills and practicing new responses. We must take inventory of our values and beliefs, gain an understanding of how we came to those beliefs (and whether they still make sense), and move into alignment with who we are now.
Your personal work is incredibly powerful because we are all part of something much bigger than ourselves.
Healing doesn’t happen overnight. And attachment and relationship work? We are in it for the long-game. This work takes practice, time, energy, dedication, and awareness. We must be gentle with ourselves to maintain our commitment. Humans don’t learn well when they are shamed or afraid or experience harshness. How can you create compassion for the parts of you that are learning right now? The fact that you are engaged with the work on a daily basis and healing at your own pace is good enough. Let it be good enough for this moment. Rushing this type of healing doesn’t allow us to dive deep, to fully embrace our experiences, to feel everything we need to feel to move forward.
We all have our own stories and experiences of healing and I believe it’s very important for us to hold space to hear those experiences and learn from one another. I am so thrilled to launch the here to heal podcast on June 11! It’s coming up soon and I’ve done some amazing interviews with incredible folks in my community as well as solo shows where I share more about my own experiences with healing. I’m looking for folks who would be willing to be part of my Podcast Launch Team—people who will listen to a few episodes and then rate and review them on iTunes and get the word out to others who might be interested. If that’s you, will you hit reply to this email and let me know? I will send you instructions and a reminder when the podcast launches! THANK YOU!
I also want to share an opportunity for an in-person healing experience that I am offering on June 22, 2019, with Liz Gunn and Monica Leblanc in the mountains of Western North Carolina. We are hosting an afternoon gathering to support your relationship to yourself utilizing attachment theory, astrology, and the Enneagram (a combination that I have found to be extremely powerful in my own healing work). This experience will provide grounded and practical tools for increasing consciousness and self-awareness with a healthy dose of fun, pleasure, and play. This gathering will be nourishing on many levels and is the perfect way to celebrate the summer solstice! Space is limited so the gathering feels intimate—please register as soon as you can to secure your spot!
Thank you so much, always.