Have you ever been in a relationship where your partner let you know they wouldn’t be able to move on until you apologize to them? And you’re wondering why you should have to apologize when you don’t even know what you’re arguing about (and you clearly didn’t do anything wrong and they should get over it)?
Yep. It’s definitely a thing.
Read MoreWe are usually not taught how to be in relationship with other people, at least not explicitly. Our learning comes from our experiences—and until we are actually in a romantic partnership, we don’t know how to do it. We learn as we go.
Many of us have a tendency to focus on what our partner isn’t doing rather than what we could be doing better or differently to improve our relationship(s). When we focus on what isn’t happening, we aren’t bringing our best selves to the partnership.
Read MoreY'all know how much I value REAL connection, communication, and understanding in relationships--so when I learned that my friend and colleague Jordan Grob, LCSW, LCAS was launching her coaching practice that centers heart-led communication, you better believe I reached out as soon as I could and asked that she share some of her knowledge and wisdom with all of us!
In the blog this week, Jordan shares some of her favorite communication tools (that you can start using TODAY), the barriers to connection she witnesses (specifically for millenials), and why it's SO DAMN HARD to just put your phone down.
Read MoreDid you know you can change any day of the year? Most big changes don’t occur in January is my guess. The energy of a new year feels so good and hopeful and I personally really appreciate it—but it’s not THE thing that’s going to help me make the changes I’ve been wanting to make. Many people feel inspired and excited to shift things in their lives, but this takes time and more than just a new calendar year to really ground in to these changes.
Read MoreWhen I created Heirloom Counseling, my intention was to bring focus to the fact that our relational patterns are passed down from generation to generation. This means we have the opportunity to heal our entire family line when we show up to do the work in the present moment. This realization is incredibly powerful if we believe we have the tools to engage in relationships with integrity and awareness. If not, this task can feel overwhelming and pressured.
Read MoreI am so excited to share the work of my dear friend and colleague, Monica Leblanc. She is a skilled therapist and practitioner who incorporates the use of the Enneagram in her work with clients (and her relationships with friends!). Do you know about the Enneagram as a tool for individual and relationship growth? If not, read on—it’s pretty amazing. I have personally used the Enneagram in my relationship with partner with incredible results. We learned so much about each other (and made sense of what we already knew) when we began to incorporate the wisdom of the Enneagram and use it as a tool to support our interactions and communication.
Read MoreOne of the first blog posts I wrote about attachment in relationships has turned out to be my most-read post to date, and for good reason: the anxious-avoidant relationship dynamic can be REALLY HARD. I totally get it. If you have experienced it before, you know exactly what I’m talking about. All it takes is a snag in an interaction to trigger the negative cycle and before you know it, one person is pulling away and “going out for a while” and the other person is crying and angry and wondering how they ended up in a partnership with someone who doesn’t talk about feelings—ever.
Read MoreThe title of this blog comes from adrienne maree brown, the author of Emergent Strategy. Her words are like a hug from someone who tells it to you so directly that there is no way to misinterpret their words. You trust their opinion and value their experience and know you are in the presence of someone powerful. That’s how I feel about adrienne.
As I stepped back this weekend and took inventory of my life and relationships (to my favorite beings, projects, spaces, and communities), I realized that in sharing my belief that we are here to take care of each other, I want to be incredibly specific about what that means.
Read MoreThis time of year, there is a lot of talk about gratitude. I love that we are having this conversation and it makes me sad that we don’t extend our appreciation of this practice to other times of the year. Gratitude has also become a buzz word and when that happens, we hear it but it doesn’t really land anymore. It becomes part of the noise in social media that we scroll through without much thought.
Read MoreEach therapist has a different style. I like to think that mine is supportive and reminds people that they already have so much knowledge—and sometimes we need someone to reflect that wisdom back to us. In using the attachment framework I talk about so often in my blog, my goal is to deepen my clients’ understanding of their early (and current) life experiences and provide a fresh perspective so they can move toward healing. We all deserve healing and we all deserve support. That is how I approach every single session.
Read MorePeople share their stories with me and often ask questions, like “what do I do next? How should I move forward? Do you know of any resources for this?” Because sometimes they just need a bit of information that will support them in approaching their challenges with as much integrity and love as possible. That is where my writing comes in. I want resources to feel accessible to you. We should have access to information to support us as we work to heal ourselves and our relationships. Sometimes we don’t have the capacity to read an entire book or even if we do, we don’t experience the connection and support we might when we talk to a real person who has done the work, too.
Read MoreToday, I want to share some of what I believe it means to do the work in relationships. This list is derived from my own journey toward security and relationship health as well as my professional trainings and clinical experience; it’s not exhaustive by any means, but includes some topics that I don’t think we read about in popular books or magazines.
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