The Top 10 Things I Say In Therapy (plus a FLASH SALE!)

Each therapist has a different style. I like to think that mine is supportive and reminds people that they already have so much knowledge—and sometimes we need someone to reflect that wisdom back to us. In using the attachment framework I talk about so often in my blog, my goal is to deepen my clients’ understanding of their early (and current) life experiences and provide a fresh perspective so they can move toward healing. We all deserve healing and we all deserve support. That is how I approach every single session.

I have realized as I gain more experience as a therapist and I settle in to the world of attachment theory, there are certain phrases I use consistently with my clients. Of course every one of my clients has a different life situation, different circumstances, and different experiences. There is no one-size-fits-all therapy modality because each person is different. However, because we are all human beings who are wired for connection, there are some experiences that are universal: falling in love, managing difficult relationship dynamics, navigating the transition to parenthood (as individuals and in a partnership), developing healthy relationships outside of romantic relationships, parenting children and supporting them in growing into confident people, separations and break-ups, re-learning ourselves, setting boundaries that feel safe and healthy…the list goes on.

In addition to talking through challenging situations, my clients and I also use somatic and body-based work to bring more awareness to physical sensations that shape their internal experiences as well as their behaviors and actions. In it’s most simple form, somatic work is quieting our thoughts in order to tap in to our body’s cues and working with those on a level that is deeper and more primal than our logical brain would allow. I am choosing to share this list with you because maybe a couple of these will resonate for you wherever you find yourself in life. I want to reiterate that you know what’s best for you, even if overthinking or avoiding have muddled the message you are receiving. If any of these statements or questions feel right for you, I encourage you to sit quietly with them and maybe write down your experiences in a journal. You might re-discover something about yourself.

Here are the top 10 things I find myself sharing in my sessions with clients:

  1. You can’t make people change; they have to be ready, willing, and motivated.

  2. When people tell you who they are, you should listen to them. It will save you a lot of time. 

  3. What would it be like to be in your integrity in this situation? To trust yourself and know your actions are in alignment with your values? What needs to shift to make that happen?

  4. What was the trigger for you/them in that situation? How did you get there? 

  5. You get to have boundaries. People want boundaries. We all feel more clear and calm when we understand the rules, limits, edges, etc.

  6. It’s okay for people to feel disappointed or upset. Everyone gets to have their feelings. It might feel uncomfortable, but it’s important for them to have their experience. You don’t have to do anything to change that.

  7. What is the need underlying your/their behavior? What are they trying to accomplish by engaging in this behavior? Knowing the answer, how do your feelings about them and the situation change?

  8. How could you take care of yourself right now? What could you do that would truly support you in feeling nourished and cared for?

  9. Whatever you need right now is perfectly okay. It’s also okay to not know. Let’s just be with this experience for a little bit.

  10. You are a worthwhile, lovable person. I am so glad you’re here.

How does this list sit with you? Did any of these statements or questions land for you? I would love to hear your experiences in the comments if you would like to share.

If you are looking for some gentle, clarifying support, I am excited to share with you that through Wednesday evening (11/14/18), I am offering a FLASH SALE on my Healing Anxious Attachment Course! If you’ve been on the fence about diving in to your healing, now is the perfect time—especially before the chaos of the holiday season falls upon us! The course is 20% off through Wednesday evening when you use the coupon code GRATEFUL at checkout! If you have any questions, please reach out to me.