What are you healing in your family?
When I created Heirloom Counseling, my intention was to bring focus to the fact that our relational patterns are passed down from generation to generation. This means we have the opportunity to heal our entire family line when we show up to do the work in the present moment. This realization is incredibly powerful if we believe we have the tools to engage in relationships with integrity and awareness. If not, this task can feel overwhelming and pressured. That’s where Heirloom was born: from an opportunity to empower all of us with tools, skills, and knowledge to change our lives and the history of our family and pass on something different—to our own children, our siblings’ children, our friends’ children, our communities—and in the process, heal each other.
Let’s take a breath because that is a BIG job. Committing to this process is not for the faint of heart. You won’t hear from me that there are “easy” ways to change your relational patterns and I’m not here to provide quick fixes. I don’t believe in those things. I believe in impactful work, the kind we engage in to change things for real. I believe in the kind of work that shakes you to your core, that you feel in your bones, that makes you terribly uncomfortable in service of your future self. The kind of work where you wonder if you can do it, if you have it in you—and with the right kind of support, you take it one step at a time. When you look back, you see it so clearly: there was no other way. Everything you have been through, every time you felt lonely or scared or abandoned, has lead you here. That’s the kind of work I believe in. It’s the kind of work I have done and continue to do personally. You can trust that I won’t lead you anywhere I wouldn’t go myself.
Sometimes we know exactly what we need to heal in our family. Maybe it’s a history of early loss or a cycle of neglect or abuse or a pattern of fear in showing emotions or not knowing how to respond to them. Maybe it’s a feeling of being out of place and never quite fitting in. Maybe it’s knowing that no matter what boundaries you have set, they aren’t respected. The fact that you are reading this may mean that you are the person in your family line who is here to change the patterns.
Did you know that it’s okay to be afraid of this kind of work? It’s vulnerable. You don’t know what might come up. It can feel like if you start, you won’t be able to stop—crying, raging, fearing, hiding. Your hesitancy has kept you safe for so long. But now it’s keeping you from the most beautiful parts of life: connection, resonance, joy, and freedom. I want those things for you. For all of us.
I can’t know for sure, but I believe those experiences are why we are here. Yes, to work and run errands and finish the project and get the kids out the door and volunteer for the thing and do the laundry and collapse into bed at night. But more than that, to connect. To laugh together. To look at one another in the eyes and say thank you. To share deeply and be received with warmth and validation. To grow.
These are the intentions I bring to my work. I know they don’t resonate for everyone and that’s okay. You might not be in a place where you are ready for this work or maybe you just need a break. But I want you to know that I am right here. I am holding the belief that you can change your life, you can heal yourself, you can feel supported and loved and valued. You are not resigned to the way your family has done things or even the way you have done things up until this point. You are never stuck. You are worth the effort. You are worthy, period. You are loveable.
I will hold that for you until you are ready.
I want to say thank you for being with me this year. This was my first full year in practice on my own and the first full year that Heirloom was in the world. I took lots of risks this year with my creativity and tried new things, and you were right here with me cheering me on and believing in me and this work. Thank you for every email you sent letting me know my writing resonated with you, for every comment on my blog posts, for every time you shared my work with someone else, for every registration for my workshops and courses, and for every therapy session. This is my life’s work and you are a part of it. I deeply believe that I survived cancer in order to do exactly what I’m doing right now, with you. Let’s keep going, okay? Even when it’s hard and we don’t know which step to take next. And let’s remember we are never alone.
Thank you for your love and support. I hope your holidays are beautiful.