The Intersection of Attachment and Social Justice

We have talked about attachment as a pattern of relating between two people, or even a family. This week, I want us to explore this from a bigger picture perspective.

There is a lot of hurt in the world right now, and there has been for a long time. Some of us are just waking up to the deep, chronic, persistent pain that people of color, LGBTQ people, native people, and differently-abled people (among others) have been experiencing for years. When we recognize the pain of others and are able to feel into the pain, we are motivated to make the pain go away.

When You Are Triggered in Your Relationship

Hello!

We've talked over the past several weeks about the importance of understanding attachment, how to learn our attachment styles, and some strategies for identifying our needs and our partner's needs when we are feeling disconnected. That's a lot of information! Thank you for being here and exploring this with me.

What You and Your Partner Need to Know to Resolve Arguments

Hello!

I'm excited to be back with you this week to share more about attachment styles and how we can be more connected, responsive, and present in our relationships with each other. These qualities make a huge difference in how our relationships feel, how our families operate, and our general outlook on life. Thanks for being here with me! And as always, if you have any questions you are welcome to leave them in the comments or email me!

Do You Know Your Attachment Style?

Hi!

I hope you found the first video of the Kitchen Table Series about the basic concepts of attachment helpful! I’m back this week with lots of information about each of the styles/adaptations and a link to a quiz so you can identify yours if you don’t know it already. And I encourage you to find out, because knowing it can change everything about how you relate to others—partners, parents, kiddos, and friends.

What Does It Mean to Be Attached? Why Does Attachment Matter?

Integrating the concept of attachment has completely changed how I engage in my practice with clients and in my personal relationships. I'm really excited to be sharing this information with you! I’m spending the month of February reflecting on the concept of attachment and the power it holds in our lives when we fully embrace it and understand it. Attachment and love go hand in hand—and having a deeper appreciation for attachment can help us have more love and joy in our lives. I'm pretty into that!

Elizabeth GilletteFebruary 5, 2018attachment, relationships, secure attachment, insecure attachment, love, partnershipComment

Saying No Is Your Friend--Here's How

Hi! I’ve been thinking a lot about saying no lately. Meghan O’Malley and I just finished our very first #nopeAF: A Boundaries Workshop for Women on Saturday, and it was AMAZING. We talked a lot about saying no, and also a lot about saying yes—when we really feel enthusiastic and aligned with what we’re saying yes to.

Elizabeth GilletteJanuary 28, 2018boundaries, self-care, self worth, healing, heirloom counselingComment

How Practical Love Can Warm Our Hearts

December is a weighted month for me. As I’ve explored in the blog before, I often feel the excitement of the holidays and time with family, and I feel sad and a bit lonely. The cold starts settling in and I crave coziness, warmth, and home. More than ever before, the times we live in are uncertain. We are entering a time in our society where we will likely see major shifts. Where we will be expected to show up differently in our lives than we have before. The shifts may be subtle or they may be significant. They may be welcomed or they may be terrifying. As someone who likes to have as much information as possible and plan accordingly, I’ve been sitting with these concepts and trying to decide where to focus my energy for this month and create as much positive energy and love as I can in the world.

So I’ve decided on practical love.

Elizabeth GilletteDecember 2, 2017love, relationships, partnership, marriage, connectionComment

Healing the Anxious-Avoidant Relationship Pattern

We know that the interplay between anxious and avoidant attachment styles is one of the most common—and I believe it’s because there is so much healing opportunity if we can increase our awareness of this dynamic and actively make changes. It can also be the most painful if we don’t take steps to address the ways we are engaging in a negative cycle.

Scripts for Soothing: Avoidant Attachment Adaptation

In a previous blog post, I talked about strategies for soothing partners with an anxious attachment adaptation. As we talked about before, understanding our personal attachment styles as well as our partner’s can help us deescalate tricky relationship dynamics before they become blow-out arguments. In this post, we’ll be talking about soothing strategies for folks with an avoidant attachment adaptation.

When You Have Stayed in Your Relationship Too Long

No matter how it happens, break-ups are usually hard. Even if there is an element of relief or celebration or freedom, seeing another person saddened and hurt is hard to take, especially when that person is our partner. In long-term relationships, we become good friends, even best friends. We grow, and we change each other every day. Our own attachment beliefs, needs, and traumas are triggered within our relationship patterns and can cause us to stay in a relationship that is no longer fully joyful, healthy, or happy for us. Sometimes we are ready to put in the work that relationships require, and we are committed to doing that; but today I’m talking about relationships whose time has passed and the end is overdue for one or both of us.

Attachment Injuries: How do we fix this?

At Heirloom Counseling, my practice is rooted in attachment theory, the understanding that early relationships shape us and influence how we operate in our adult relationships. We learn from a young age if our environment is safe, if we can trust others, and if our needs will be met. Today, I am sharing information about what happens when a relationship experiences an attachment injury, and the security previously felt is suddenly absent.

Elizabeth GilletteJuly 26, 2017relationships, attachment, infidelity, partnership, marriageComment

No, I Can't Just "Get Over It": Understanding Highly Sensitive People

When I was young, people commented on my sensitivity. They would tell me that everyone knows how I am feeling by the look on my face, that I wear my heart on my sleeve. I learned that I needed to toughen up, thicken my skin, get a better poker face if I was going to avoid further comments and keep anything to myself. It sounded harsh then, but what I know now is that these people were trying to protect me. They could see that the way I walked through the world was not going to be easy for me, and that if I showed up just how I was, I would get hurt. A lot. Who wants that for someone they care about? Parents want to protect their children from pain and loss as much as possible. But what I have learned is that there is no way my family could have protected me from what would come. My parents would have done absolutely anything to save me from my life experiences and the depth of feeling that would accompany those moments, but they just couldn’t. They had to figure out how to support me.

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