Hello! I received this question from someone I’m connected with and I wanted to spend some time answering. When we find ourselves at a crossroads in a relationship and we are aware of how our insecure attachment styles can arise and potentially sabotage us, it can be challenging to determine where the desire to leave a relationship is coming from. Let’s dive in!
Read MoreIf you have read my blog posts about attachment theory, healthy relationships, and doing your personal work to show up as your best self in your community and wondered how you could possibly deserve to be in a loving partnership or be appreciated for who you are, you’re in the right place.
Read MoreWhen we are working on our own relationship patterns, it can be challenging to see how anyone might be able to relate securely or fully show up in partnerships because it really does take conscious effort.
And of course, after you’ve been doing your relational work for a while and you’re looking for a relationship that is truly secure, you realize there are lots of folks out there who haven’t discovered attachment work just yet—and it shows.
Read MoreToday I want to talk a bit about boundaries in relationships—specifically, being part of a relationship where boundaries are challenging for all involved.
A lovely person on Instagram requested that we explore how to navigate a partnership where both families of origin experienced enmeshment.
Read MoreFirst, I want to give a HUGE thank you to everyone who participated in the Pay What You Please Online Course Event last week. Every time you share my blog or courses with someone else, you support my life’s work and help my little family stay afloat during this very weird time. If you purchased a course, I can’t wait to hear from you (anytime, even if you purchased one long ago!)—please shoot me an email or fill out the survey at the end to let me know how I can keep providing the material that is interesting and helpful to you.
Read MoreI recently received a question from someone I’m connected with via social media. She reached out with this information about her relationship challenges (which I’ve edited so she remains anonymous). I’ve chosen to share it with her permission because I feel confident others have had similar experiences in their partnerships and I know how common the anxious-avoidant relationship dynamic is. I suspect that if you have ever been in a partnership with this dynamic, this person’s experience will ring true for you.
Read MoreI’ve been thinking a lot about relationship patterns and our tendency to repeat patterns that are familiar to us. I wanted to go a step beyond that idea and talk more about the ways in which we *may* more consciously choose to recreate scenarios and what we might do to engage differently in our important relationships.
Read MoreOne of my favorite things to do is support people in cultivating healthy relationship patterns, even if they didn’t experience those patterns growing up in their family systems or their early relationships. I believe we are capable of learning to relate in new ways and creating a deep felt sense of security in our partnerships, friendships, and community relationships.
Read MoreMaybe your partner is telling you directly that they aren’t interested in doing the work (for example, they don’t want to go to therapy, read books with you, have uncomfortable conversations about your relationship, or try new things to improve your communication), or maybe they don’t see a problem with how your relationship feels right now. Something is happening that is sending you a message.
Read MoreI get questions regularly from folks asking things like, “based on what’s happening right now in our relationship, do you think we can make it? Is it worth trying?” And I totally understand that consideration, especially when you’ve been doing what feels like EVERYTHING to try to make the relationship work.
Here’s what I will say: there is a lot to think about when it comes to determining whether your relationship is something you can participate in for the long haul. I want to offer some aspects of your partnership to consider if you are finding yourself wondering this same thing.
Read MoreI want to acknowledge that even though I speak a lot to navigating established relationships with long-term partners, I see MANY people in my practice who are not currently partnered. Their goals are often to work through their old patterns so they can show up in new relationships in a grounded, clear, and confident way. So this week, I want to share more about that experience (as it can be nervewracking and overwhelming for folks—because dating is HARD!) and provide some support, specifically for people with the anxious attachment style.
Read MoreThis blog post has been highly requested and I’m happy to share some insight into this tricky dynamic and shed some light on why it can be challenging to have conversations about our attachment styles in the beginning stages of learning about attachment theory—especially if we have an attachment style that is designed to protect us and reduce the impact of interactions that cause us to feel out of control or overwhelmed. Of course, this doesn’t mean the conversation won’t be uncomfortable (it probably will be to some degree), but remember that the emotional response from the person is more about their own experiences and less about you.
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