I have some updates for you this week!
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This post feels important to me. I hope it lands for you, too—and as usual, I am open to your feedback and thoughts. I appreciate you so much. Thank you for reading.
As a white woman creating material to support folks who are interested in healing their early attachment wounds and creating healthy adult relationships, I want to emphasize that I am not the end-all-be-all when it comes to this work. I approach attachment theory in a very specific way (one that I hope brings a lens of compassion and justice through relational health and fulfillment) and there are many other approaches that are just as valid and important.
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The themes of flexibility and patience have been up for me lately. Do you ever notice how the same lessons keep coming up over and over again until we finally learn them? For me, the lessons related to flexibility and patience usually have to do with reworking all of my big plans, pivoting last minute, WAITING (the worst!), and soooo many deep breaths.
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My partner and I were recently discussing our time in couples therapy a few years ago. I’m not sure how we stumbled on the subject, but it was sweet to recall where we were at that time in our relationship and all the progress we’ve made and the growth we’ve experienced since that time. I’m going to be honest—we were struggling. We had gotten married just a few months earlier and all of a sudden it felt like (pardon my language) shit got real. We knew that if we continued engaging in the pattern of having a big argument, feeling resentful and frustrated with no solution, moving on and trying to ignore the problem, then starting all over again, our relationship would be so damaged we might not be able to come back from it.
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Hello! I received this question from someone I’m connected with and I wanted to spend some time answering. When we find ourselves at a crossroads in a relationship and we are aware of how our insecure attachment styles can arise and potentially sabotage us, it can be challenging to determine where the desire to leave a relationship is coming from. Let’s dive in!
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I used to be a person who would lose herself in romantic partnerships. And to be honest, over the past 14 months of being a mother and experiencing a global pandemic, I’ve felt whispers of those times in my life. Who am I anymore? What do I like? What is it like to maintain some of my energy for myself rather than constantly investing it in others?
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If you have read my blog posts about attachment theory, healthy relationships, and doing your personal work to show up as your best self in your community and wondered how you could possibly deserve to be in a loving partnership or be appreciated for who you are, you’re in the right place.
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When we are working on our own relationship patterns, it can be challenging to see how anyone might be able to relate securely or fully show up in partnerships because it really does take conscious effort.
And of course, after you’ve been doing your relational work for a while and you’re looking for a relationship that is truly secure, you realize there are lots of folks out there who haven’t discovered attachment work just yet—and it shows.
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One of the things I’ve learned as I have engaged in attachment work is that healthy relationships don’t just happen—we have to cultivate them. Even relationships that naturally fall into place in our lives require our care and attention. Eventually, they will need us to invest in them and devote our time and energy to helping them grow.
So why not start now?
This week, I’m answering some questions about the role of attachment styles in our relationships. I love having some time and space to answer your questions because they are always so insightful! I hope you find this helpful.
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Today I want to talk a bit about boundaries in relationships—specifically, being part of a relationship where boundaries are challenging for all involved.
A lovely person on Instagram requested that we explore how to navigate a partnership where both families of origin experienced enmeshment.
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As we venture into a new calendar year, I like to set an intention to show up as my best self. This doesn’t mean creating resolutions or setting lofty goals (especially after the year we had)—but simply acknowledging that I want to be mindful of my daily interactions and embody secure attachment and integrity as often as possible.
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