In my last blog post of the year, I want to explore how we can care for our attachment systems. We have collectively been thrown into phases of avoidant, anxious, and disorganized attachment this year—we’ve locked down, craved connection and community, as well as become fearful (rightfully so) of potential exposure to illness.
Read MoreFirst, I want to give a HUGE thank you to everyone who participated in the Pay What You Please Online Course Event last week. Every time you share my blog or courses with someone else, you support my life’s work and help my little family stay afloat during this very weird time. If you purchased a course, I can’t wait to hear from you (anytime, even if you purchased one long ago!)—please shoot me an email or fill out the survey at the end to let me know how I can keep providing the material that is interesting and helpful to you.
Read MoreI recently received a question from someone I’m connected with via social media. She reached out with this information about her relationship challenges (which I’ve edited so she remains anonymous). I’ve chosen to share it with her permission because I feel confident others have had similar experiences in their partnerships and I know how common the anxious-avoidant relationship dynamic is. I suspect that if you have ever been in a partnership with this dynamic, this person’s experience will ring true for you.
Read MoreI’ve been thinking a lot about relationship patterns and our tendency to repeat patterns that are familiar to us. I wanted to go a step beyond that idea and talk more about the ways in which we *may* more consciously choose to recreate scenarios and what we might do to engage differently in our important relationships.
Read MoreI’m back after an unplanned September hiatus! Life became so full that blogging just wasn’t an option and I had to come to terms with the fact that sometimes you just can’t do everything. I have to admit that I miss the luxury of being able to sit down and write out my thoughts, focus on one thing at a time, and make plans for the future of my business. But I’m also truly living in the moment in ways I wasn’t able to access before Nico was born.
Read MoreOne of my favorite things to do is support people in cultivating healthy relationship patterns, even if they didn’t experience those patterns growing up in their family systems or their early relationships. I believe we are capable of learning to relate in new ways and creating a deep felt sense of security in our partnerships, friendships, and community relationships.
Read MoreI recently began reading Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn and it has given me so much insight into the ways that we inadvertently send messages to the people we love that they must do something for us or behave a certain way in order to receive our care and continued support. I started to think about how this might translate to adult relationships and attachment theory.
Read MoreMaybe your partner is telling you directly that they aren’t interested in doing the work (for example, they don’t want to go to therapy, read books with you, have uncomfortable conversations about your relationship, or try new things to improve your communication), or maybe they don’t see a problem with how your relationship feels right now. Something is happening that is sending you a message.
Read MoreI received some really wonderful attachment questions over the past two weeks and rather than focusing on one, I wanted to answer all four of them. I always appreciate the ways that this community interacts with me and I really do love hearing from you. Let’s dive in!
Read MoreI heard this quote from Austin Channing Brown in her interview with Brene Brown on Brene's podcast Unlocking Us: "you might be a good person, but you can be a better one." I'm still thinking about it, still feeling it, and still digging in to the ways I can strive toward showing up more fully and powerfully for my fellow human beings. This can happen in so many ways. If you are feeling like you don't know what to do, just start somewhere. Listening to this episode is a perfect place to begin.
Read MoreI don’t have to tell you that we are witnessing and participating in a major shift in our country and culture. Our actions and inactions are making it clear to our families and our communities where we stand and what we believe in.
I want to be explicit about my stance: Black lives matter.
Exactly a year ago today, my partner and I found out we were expecting our son Nico. As he approaches the four-month mark (!!!), I am reminded of how much we wanted him as part of our family. The timing of this reminder couldn’t be more perfect given the circumstances and the feelings of isolation so many of us are experiencing.
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