One of my favorite things to do is support people in cultivating healthy relationship patterns, even if they didn’t experience those patterns growing up in their family systems or their early relationships. I believe we are capable of learning to relate in new ways and creating a deep felt sense of security in our partnerships, friendships, and community relationships.
Read MoreI recently began reading Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn and it has given me so much insight into the ways that we inadvertently send messages to the people we love that they must do something for us or behave a certain way in order to receive our care and continued support. I started to think about how this might translate to adult relationships and attachment theory.
Read MoreMaybe your partner is telling you directly that they aren’t interested in doing the work (for example, they don’t want to go to therapy, read books with you, have uncomfortable conversations about your relationship, or try new things to improve your communication), or maybe they don’t see a problem with how your relationship feels right now. Something is happening that is sending you a message.
Read MoreI received some really wonderful attachment questions over the past two weeks and rather than focusing on one, I wanted to answer all four of them. I always appreciate the ways that this community interacts with me and I really do love hearing from you. Let’s dive in!
Read MoreI heard this quote from Austin Channing Brown in her interview with Brene Brown on Brene's podcast Unlocking Us: "you might be a good person, but you can be a better one." I'm still thinking about it, still feeling it, and still digging in to the ways I can strive toward showing up more fully and powerfully for my fellow human beings. This can happen in so many ways. If you are feeling like you don't know what to do, just start somewhere. Listening to this episode is a perfect place to begin.
Read MoreI don’t have to tell you that we are witnessing and participating in a major shift in our country and culture. Our actions and inactions are making it clear to our families and our communities where we stand and what we believe in.
I want to be explicit about my stance: Black lives matter.
Exactly a year ago today, my partner and I found out we were expecting our son Nico. As he approaches the four-month mark (!!!), I am reminded of how much we wanted him as part of our family. The timing of this reminder couldn’t be more perfect given the circumstances and the feelings of isolation so many of us are experiencing.
Read MoreAs a therapist, I have the honor and privilege of being able to witness people at all stages of their healing paths. This means that I’m working with people who are still feeling very hurt and we are sorting through the pain together; people who have some space from their experiences and are formulating a plan to practice different emotional patterns; and people who are actively engaging in new routines, making mistakes, and self-correcting based on their new emotional blueprints. Across the board, everyone is actively learning. Sometimes I also encounter folks in the world who haven’t started on their healing work yet or are feeling stuck where they are, and their energy is very different.
Read MoreI get questions regularly from folks asking things like, “based on what’s happening right now in our relationship, do you think we can make it? Is it worth trying?” And I totally understand that consideration, especially when you’ve been doing what feels like EVERYTHING to try to make the relationship work.
Here’s what I will say: there is a lot to think about when it comes to determining whether your relationship is something you can participate in for the long haul. I want to offer some aspects of your partnership to consider if you are finding yourself wondering this same thing.
Read MoreI’ve been talking with lots of folks about grief recently. Has this been coming up for you, too? As exciting as change and growth and healing are, there is sadness that goes along with these transitions. It’s something I wished we talked about more, but we don’t. There is so much focus on the beauty of change and healing (which is positivity-washed) that we sometimes forget that sadness fits in with all of it.
Read MoreI’ve been thinking a lot about our opportunities to tell the truth about our lives. Do you do this? When someone asks you how you’re doing, are you honest? Or is it just easier to say “good” and move on, burying the truth even deeper inside?
I’ve definitely had my ups and downs over the past several months—and for me, telling the truth about my experience helps me stay in my integrity, stay connected to my humanness and our collective humanness, and gives me permission to be fully myself. No one’s life is perfect. None of us get out of this unscathed.
Read MoreI’m wrapping up my month focused on pleasure and I’ve learned a LOT over the past several weeks. Choosing pleasure allowed me to direct my energy toward what I could change rather than what I couldn’t. Choosing pleasure in and of itself allowed me to feel more satisfied and content.
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