Hi!
As I'm facilitating the Attachment Exploration Group (another one is happening in June!) that started last week, I am realizing how often I have alluded to the concept of secure attachment, but haven't spent much time focused directly on the importance of secure attachment--or what it really means to embody security in relationships. So let's dive in!
Read MoreRelationship disconnection is a common occurrence in many relationships, and it makes sense why—we can’t be attuned to our partner and their needs all the time, and even if we are, it’s likely that we will make mistakes as far as anticipating what they may need or the type of support that will feel best for them. In secure relationships, when partners recognize they have become disconnected, they intentionally work together to repair the attachment rupture, come back together, and be sure they are on the same page as they move forward in their relationship.
Read MoreHi!
I've found in my life that one of the most frustrating aspects of being in relationships with others is negotiating competing feelings. For example, I love my partner so much and then the times when we argue or have other types of relationship "misses", I feel so frustrated and annoyed that it takes everything I have to turn toward our relationship instead of away from it. The times when I can't find the strength, logic, and/or trust to turn toward our partnership, I can engage in other patterns that are not helpful at all--but it doesn't mean I don't love my partner or don't want to reconnect. I see this in my practice with couples all the time. We've talked recently about self-sabotage, self-abandonment, and relationship triggers. Today I want to pull all of those concepts together.
Read MoreHave you ever abandoned yourself? Chosen someone else’s comfort, needs, or happiness over your own over and over again? Tamped down your own desires just to make someone else feel more comfortable? Known that what was happening in a relationship was just not working for you but stayed with it anyway?
Me too.
Read MoreHi!
One of my favorite things to do with clients is explore attachment patterns. As we know, our attachment patterning begins very early in our lives. Changing these patterns requires focus, information, and processing—and it’s totally possible to shift them to a more secure way of operating.
Read MoreDecember is a weighted month for me. As I’ve explored in the blog before, I often feel the excitement of the holidays and time with family, and I feel sad and a bit lonely. The cold starts settling in and I crave coziness, warmth, and home. More than ever before, the times we live in are uncertain. We are entering a time in our society where we will likely see major shifts. Where we will be expected to show up differently in our lives than we have before. The shifts may be subtle or they may be significant. They may be welcomed or they may be terrifying. As someone who likes to have as much information as possible and plan accordingly, I’ve been sitting with these concepts and trying to decide where to focus my energy for this month and create as much positive energy and love as I can in the world.
So I’ve decided on practical love.
Read MoreWe know that the interplay between anxious and avoidant attachment styles is one of the most common—and I believe it’s because there is so much healing opportunity if we can increase our awareness of this dynamic and actively make changes. It can also be the most painful if we don’t take steps to address the ways we are engaging in a negative cycle.
Read MoreAt Heirloom Counseling, my practice is rooted in attachment theory, the understanding that early relationships shape us and influence how we operate in our adult relationships. We learn from a young age if our environment is safe, if we can trust others, and if our needs will be met. Today, I am sharing information about what happens when a relationship experiences an attachment injury, and the security previously felt is suddenly absent.
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