The Anxious-Avoidant Dynamic in Sexual Relationships with Jamie Brazell (Part 1)

The Anxious-Avoidant Dynamic in Sexual Relationships with Jamie Brazell (Part 1)

Hello!

This week, we are diving right in to the anxious-avoidant relationship pattern--one of the most common challenges partners face--and how it shows up in sexual and intimate relationships. Even the mild form of this dynamic can be incredibly frustrating and upsetting in relationships, and I believe it's important for us to look out for how it shows up in our own relationships (and how we engage in it personally).

I'm continuing this really wonderful conversation with Jamie Brazell, M. Ed., LMFT, CST. If you missed our first interview about Sex & Attachment, you can go here to catch up. You can learn more about Jamie and her work by checking out her website and connecting with her on social media.

Again, this blog is on the longer side so we can include as much information as possible. I am breaking this interview into two parts since we can talk about this concept for days! Please feel free to pause and come back to it when you are able, or read it in pieces. The next part of the interview will be in your inbox next Tuesday morning!

Please let me know your thoughts and questions! You can hit reply to this email and tell me everything. I can't wait to hear your thoughts!

I appreciate you being here. Thank you for digging into this with me.

Love,

Elizabeth

Sex and Attachment Interview Series with Jamie Brazell: Part 1

Sex and Attachment Interview Series with Jamie Brazell: Part 1

Hello!

I am back to weekly blogging (yes!), and I have been waiting on pins and needles to share this interview series with you!

I feel so lucky to have had the opportunity to talk with Jamie Brazell, M. Ed., LMFT, CST in this first interview about Sex & Attachment. During this first piece, we are talking about the work Jamie does, the different variables that can impact intimacy, and the importance of flexibility in relationships. You can learn more about Jamie and her work by checking out her website and connecting with her on social media. Jamie is a wealth of information and we are so lucky to be able to explore these important topics with her.

I want to give you a heads up--this blog is longer than normal because I didn't want to cut out anything important or relevant. Feel free to pause and come back to it when you are able, or read it in pieces.

Next week, we will be diving in to the anxious-avoidant pattern as it shows up in sexual relationships, which is sure to be a juicy topic!

Will you let me know what you think of this first interview? You can email me at hello@heirloomcounseling.com or use the contact page and tell me everything. I can't wait to hear your thoughts!

Thank you for being here! I'm so happy to be back with you again!

Love,

Elizabeth

Doing the work, healing and celebrating

Doing the work, healing and celebrating

Hi!!!

I am so happy to be here to celebrate the launch of my newest offering, the Healing Anxious Attachment Online Course!

The incredibly warm reception of this course on the First to Know list touched my heart and incited some happy dancing! I am thrilled folks are finding this helpful and supportive, so getting to announce it again today is even more exciting!

Healing Anxious Attachment

Healing Anxious Attachment

Hi!

I first learned about the concept of anxious attachment in adulthood from Sue Johnson’s book Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. A friend recommended it to me for the challenges I was experiencing in my partnership, and I sat in the tea house, tears streaming down my cheeks, as I saw my own attachment patterns clearly for the first time. I utilized attachment theory in my work with young children previously, but had never extended my understanding or knowledge to adult attachment. My mind was blown.

How to Know if Your Avoidant Partner Wants to Work on Your Relationship

How to Know if Your Avoidant Partner Wants to Work on Your Relationship

Hello!

The topic of today's blog has been requested several times over the past few weeks and I'm really excited to dive in and explore this with you!

I want to preface this post by saying that a) every person is different so they express themselves differently and b) the only person who can decide if your relationship feels good for you is you. You know your partner and I don't, but I can share some insights and patterns I've seen and experienced to give you some more information about how this situation typically looks. Again, you are always the best judge of your relationship, your life, your needs, and your desire for true connection.

A Relationship Permission Slip

A Relationship Permission Slip

Hi!

Keeping relationships healthy is hard work. For social and cultural reasons, many people choose to keep their relationship challenges private. I totally get it, and I also think it's sad that many of us grow up assuming that if we love someone, the relationship will work itself out and everything will be okay.

If You Are In a Relationship with an Avoidant Partner: Part 2

If You Are In a Relationship with an Avoidant Partner: Part 2

Hello!

If you are in a relationship with someone who tends to operate on the avoidant side, I imagine you feel more anger, frustration, and desperation than you do compassion for your avoidant partner. I hear that. I used to feel the same way, especially when I was in relationships with avoidant folks and I felt shut out, shut down, and disconnected most of the time. As I talked about last week in part one of this post, my experiences with avoidant partners were incredibly challenging and often had me wondering what was wrong with me in relationships and why I was always "too much" for my partner.

If You Are In a Relationship with an Avoidant Partner

If You Are In a Relationship with an Avoidant Partner

Hello!

I am going to be completely honest here and do a little self-disclosure: I have always been in relationships with people who have shown up with some piece of the avoidant attachment adaptation. Always. My current partner is much more secure and only occasionally will the avoidant part come forward (side note: we have gone to therapy together to work on this dynamic, it didn’t just “happen”), but we had our struggles in the beginning of our relationship, and I fell into my old anxious patterns. We had to do a lot of work to get to where we are now.

What does it mean to have secure attachment, anyway?

What does it mean to have secure attachment, anyway?

Hi!

As I'm facilitating the Attachment Exploration Group (another one is happening in June!) that started last week, I am realizing how often I have alluded to the concept of secure attachment, but haven't spent much time focused directly on the importance of secure attachment--or what it really means to embody security in relationships. So let's dive in!